Lost

It's been a couple of months since my last acting role with a character I could really get into and that was something I'd written and organised myself. In the last few months I've had one audition and a lot of things have gone quiet. I'm keeping my head up but it doesn't really matter too much at the moment. It's winter so there's not as many jobs to audition for and I'm in limbo, saving money for my 7 week adventure around Colombia, then when I get back I will look for a new agent. For now I need to wait and be patient. I'm doing my side jobs and getting money which is all good but I can't help but feel a bit lost. I think about why I moved to London and have had nothing to show for my career from the last few months. The short films I made are labouring onwards and I hope to get them done and released by the end of the year but I'm impatient to want to show more for myself. This year has been a bit of a non year. I couldn't be prouder of myself for writing and making two films but I wish they were one of many other highlights. I want to have things I've auditioned and fought for to show too. A Nurofen advert isn't good enough for a years work to look back on. Not even a TV or film audition and I know I'm worth more.

I've got work lined up until December currently and it's great money but it's not acting. I will get through it all fine but this year I wish had gone better. I need a new agent. I need a step up and know I can prove to people I'm not just some low level advert actor. I'm not Sam who went to London to try really hard and we're all very proud of him for his efforts. I'm Sam who went to London because he was never going to do anything else and is racing up the ladder and making a name for himself. It's a patient time but I can't fight the stagnating feeling of just waiting and working on other things and hope that maybe I'll get a shot. Colombia couldn't come sooner enough. For the second time since I moved to London I want to go somewhere and just not think about acting for a bit. I'm a bit tired of it all. The waiting with no results. Nothing to show of my determination to stay here and make a career. My career hasn't started yet. Next year is no excuse year but until March 6th when I get back from South America I don't want to deal with my career for now. I think I'm just a bit fed up. I'm not acting so therefore not as happy as I could be. I feel a bit lost so I want to lose myself in Colombia and not even really think about England. Just go out and think in the moment and let loose a bit so when I come back I'm refreshed and ready to get stuck in again. And I will be a different person when I get back.