Friday, 22 May 2015

Head Down

A family friend asked me a couple of days ago how I've found life since living in London and this was my answer. I don't think I've realised how hard the last 2 and a half years have been because I've kept my head down and got on with things, and that's how I'll always be.

When things have been hard I've got over it quick and not allowed myself to dwell on anything. I try not to give myself time to think about what's just happened and how amazing things could have been but look to how things will get better. I won't allow myself to look back because I don't want to stop what I'm doing. I don't want to distract myself with daydreamy "look how well I've done" thoughts and that is probably why I can sometimes not know what to do with compliments and not give myself praise all that much. But that question made me stop, look back, and realise it's been a really fucking hard 2 and a half years. And I'd never admit it because I kept my head down. Ignored it. Focused on the positives and all that talk. And I've been grateful.

Yes it's been hard but it's been fun and I'm having the best time of my life. It's hard now but it won't be when things start to really go right. It's only been 2 and a half years after all. My fight and determination has not reduced and every penny will go into London. I moved here because I was impatient and didn't want to wait for drama school. I never needed it in the first place and diving in the deep end has been the best decision. Yes it's difficult. Of course it is. But I wouldn't trade my life for anyone's right now. There is no time limit on how long I'll be here. Just like there's no time limit on the love you have for your family or a best mate. I'm in this wholeheartedly and I always will be.