Sunday, 29 November 2015

November 2015

As I sit in a Premier Inn restaurant in Cambridge sipping on a Baileys eating an outstanding New Yorker pizza I'm in a reflective mood. This time a month ago I was working at my filing job to earn pennies for a trip to Colombia I was worried I wouldn't realistically be able to afford. Now I've had the biggest job of my life so far in the Canary Islands and came home straight into being Santa Claus for the East of England in, most of the time, the middle of nowhere. I am happy. I've had some bad days and maybe one of the worst moods I've been in to immediately be followed by the best days of my life. I've said it before, I'll say it again and I'll probably say it a few more times after but I am so grateful for this month. Someone up there likes me. Sometimes the world has a way of falling on its feet when you need it more than ever.

The other day I decided I'm going to be famous. I was looking out the window on my lunch break, half in a Santa suit in a very very small place called Framlingham, and thought "yeah, I'm going to be famous". It's been amazing and I'm still pinching myself but I'm determined to not rest of my laurels and think this'll do for now. I'm becoming more aware of the momentum I need to start building with this and I'm working on 7 weeks out of the country not breaking that. For the side of me that feels he needs to prove himself to people back home and his friends everywhere I can be happy with this achievement. I always know I can take on anything. Even on the low days I know I can nail a part and I'd be a great choice but I needed to let other people know that. I was never going to be Sam who goes off and follows his dreams but he'll grow out of this phase one day and throw in the towel. This job has proved I'm a somebody who will continue to make noise until everyone is listening. November, you've been unpredictably awesome. December, more of the same. Let's see how much noise I can make.

Monday, 9 November 2015


It's been a couple of months since my last acting role with a character I could really get into and that was something I'd written and organised myself. In the last few months I've had one audition and a lot of things have gone quiet. I'm keeping my head up but it doesn't really matter too much at the moment. It's winter so there's not as many jobs to audition for and I'm in limbo, saving money for my 7 week adventure around Colombia, then when I get back I will look for a new agent. For now I need to wait and be patient. I'm doing my side jobs and getting money which is all good but I can't help but feel a bit lost. I think about why I moved to London and have had nothing to show for my career from the last few months. The short films I made are labouring onwards and I hope to get them done and released by the end of the year but I'm impatient to want to show more for myself. This year has been a bit of a non year. I couldn't be prouder of myself for writing and making two films but I wish they were one of many other highlights. I want to have things I've auditioned and fought for to show too. A Nurofen advert isn't good enough for a years work to look back on. Not even a TV or film audition and I know I'm worth more.

I've got work lined up until December currently and it's great money but it's not acting. I will get through it all fine but this year I wish had gone better. I need a new agent. I need a step up and know I can prove to people I'm not just some low level advert actor. I'm not Sam who went to London to try really hard and we're all very proud of him for his efforts. I'm Sam who went to London because he was never going to do anything else and is racing up the ladder and making a name for himself. It's a patient time but I can't fight the stagnating feeling of just waiting and working on other things and hope that maybe I'll get a shot. Colombia couldn't come sooner enough. For the second time since I moved to London I want to go somewhere and just not think about acting for a bit. I'm a bit tired of it all. The waiting with no results. Nothing to show of my determination to stay here and make a career. My career hasn't started yet. Next year is no excuse year but until March 6th when I get back from South America I don't want to deal with my career for now. I think I'm just a bit fed up. I'm not acting so therefore not as happy as I could be. I feel a bit lost so I want to lose myself in Colombia and not even really think about England. Just go out and think in the moment and let loose a bit so when I come back I'm refreshed and ready to get stuck in again. And I will be a different person when I get back.