Monday, 10 November 2014
So this list. I won't say what's on it as its quite a personal one but if I achieve what's on this list I will be a different worker to what I am now. I've realised how much better I am at working when I'm happy. Months of not having much luck has resulted in a decline in motivation and I've got my panto in 2 weeks which has made me feel like I can't start anything until that is over. I don't want to be someone who focuses on one thing at a time. I don't like the idea of not thinking about anything else whilst I'm doing panto so part of this list is to drive me to keep working on other projects over Christmas. I've set aims and deadlines to drive me to work on my own comedy songs, stand up, and sketches. I make a lot of lists. Usually on these lists are recurring themes of 'try stand up' and 'learn to swing dance' and others. Things that aren't important to my acting necessarily but things that will make me happy. That's why I wanted to be an actor in the first place. I am driven by what makes me happy and know how much happier I will feel if I could do these things. This list is about the things that make me unhappy now and how to get out of this horrible rhythm I've created. I've been as honest with myself as possible and I know what potential I have to be someone who has things going on all the time. I know at some point very soon I will not need to worry about not working all the time because I'll be happy. I'm still looking for that motivation but I'm getting happier and more hopeful that I won't need to imagine this person who I want to be anymore. I know what I can do and what I'm capable of. Now I just need to get my head up and work hard to get it.
Thursday, 4 September 2014
Sunday, 22 June 2014
Now we wait. I am trying my best to forget all about it but because of what it means it will stay in my thoughts. I need to thank a lot of people for the support they gave from the status I put up about it and the messages wishing me luck. If I'm honest I didn't want to look at my phone or Facebook at all. I was fully focused on what I needed to do and wouldn't dare reply or barely read anything from anyone. Everything was on hold for those 18 hours and I'm so pleased I came back for this audition. This won't be the last opportunity I get whatever happens and it's made me suddenly see how overnight things can be. It will be one job I get that changes everything. Maybe it's this one but what's important is how I composed myself and did myself proud. Bring on more. The dream is coming slowly into reach and I want to make the people back home proud and, just as much if not more, I want to be able to tell the people who said I wouldn't do it that I have. I'm stronger than those people ever imagined. I'm here, I'm in London, I'm an actor and, no matter the outcome of this audition, I will be here for a long long time.
Thursday, 1 May 2014
Saturday, 1 March 2014
So I've been meaning to write this for about 2 months and thought this would be the perfect opportunity to finally write it. I'm currently in Lanzarote having been asked to be the lead in a pilot for a tv series. We got here on Monday and finished filming on Wednesday but I decided to stay out an extra 5 days to mainly chill out but hopefully write too. We're 1/6 of the way through the year now and I've got to be honest I've had the best 2 months of my life. I can't believe I'm in Lanzarote for a start. I've never felt so rock and roll. Also I filmed my first tv advert earlier last month which comes out 1st April. In the short term I've felt that relief of money worry leave and made the most of London. I was in my friends film and we filmed a lot more of Meet Sam too. It's been a really productive start of the year and I can feel my luck slowly turning round. I thought about the Norway job I was unlucky not to get last year and how positive I'm feeling now about each opportunity as well as thinking realistically. I've been keeping my hopes at a content level with any job I go for so at the moment I'm feeling really happy. Kind of untouchable. All I need money for is to keep me doing what I love in the capital. Other than that I'm happy right where I am getting better and being given more opportunities.
I got pencilled in for a big job with my agent that I ended up not getting, but am feeling strong in myself. I want to show my agent I am capable of getting the big jobs and am unafraid of huge casting agents. I know I've got the talent to get some big jobs and grow as an actor. It's just about showing my agent that and I feel I'm starting to prove it. 2014 so far has been my year. I've already done things that will stay with me for life and I'm not going to stop working to keep getting these brilliant experiences. I had a dream last night that it was new years eve 2014 and I was walking around Christchurch and people were stopping me in the street and saying they were proud. A big part of me does it because I want to make people back home proud of me. You could call it vanity or having the wrong outlook about it but I'm proud to know the people in Christchurch. My family, friends, am dram group and now a few London friends for life I've made including one from Bristol. I think about them a lot when I'm acting and struggling and it gives me strength. I'm proud to know them and I want to make them proud always.
I think about the person who left for London a year and a half ago. I'm still the same person of course and behave the same but I have changed. Living in London has been one big progression of character so far. I've been affected by London and the new people I've met and I'm in the best place right now. Ups and downs sure, but right now I'm happy.