Sunday, 22 June 2014

An Opportunity

On Friday I had the biggest audition I've had so far which, if I get, would be life changing. I can't say what it is right now (sorry to be a shameless tease) but I want to blog about the 18 hours I had from finding out about it, preparing for it, and auditioning. I was in Dublin doing my part time filing job looking forward to England vs Uruguay that Thursday night when, 5pm I got an email telling me I had an audition at 10:30 in London Friday morning. My initial reaction was that, being in another country with work and having to work Friday there was no way I could get back for it. I emailed back and forth with my agent and quickly realised what this opportunity could bring and I had to do anything I could to get back for it. This was an audition I would always regret missing. I booked a last minute flight to Heathrow (missing the England game, which in hindsight wasn't all that bad to miss) with 3 pages of a script to learn for the next morning. I was buzzing about the whole thing but Thursday night is not something I'd want to go through again. I was constantly nervous and panicked trying not to make a big deal of the audition I would have yet still putting the pressure on to make sure these lines were perfect. I got home around midnight and tried to sleep with my mind still racing through the last 7 hours and the hours ahead of me. I am proud that I don't usually get nervous for auditions now but this was a sleepless night constantly going through lines half awake, a nervous tube ride going through lines out loud despite the stares, and a very very nervous wait outside the audition room in a hallway. The only thing going through my head were the lines. I think it's easy to let what the opportunity could mean get stuck in the back of my mind but I am so so happy to say I did my best in that audition room and was happy with how it went. It's out of my hands now and if I don't get a call back I am happy with how I presented myself, coped with the pressure, and didn't let my head kick my ass and take over.

Now we wait. I am trying my best to forget all about it but because of what it means it will stay in my thoughts. I need to thank a lot of people for the support they gave from the status I put up about it and the messages wishing me luck. If I'm honest I didn't want to look at my phone or Facebook at all. I was fully focused on what I needed to do and wouldn't dare reply or barely read anything from anyone. Everything was on hold for those 18 hours and I'm so pleased I came back for this audition. This won't be the last opportunity I get whatever happens and it's made me suddenly see how overnight things can be. It will be one job I get that changes everything. Maybe it's this one but what's important is how I composed myself and did myself proud. Bring on more. The dream is coming slowly into reach and I want to make the people back home proud and, just as much if not more, I want to be able to tell the people who said I wouldn't do it that I have. I'm stronger than those people ever imagined. I'm here, I'm in London, I'm an actor and, no matter the outcome of this audition, I will be here for a long long time.