Hell fire it's slow. Oh it's so slow. Since I've been back from Colombia which is ridiculously 2 and a half months ago, feeling like 6, work has been limited. It's not just me. I've spoken to a few other actors and it's not just me. Since I've been with my new agent I've had one commercial audition under him and have been in contact asking if there's anything more I can do. It's just luck of the draw and I'm going into summer on a bit of low because auditions, let alone work, just aren't happening and going my way at the moment. Maybe this is one of the reasons why people trying to be actors change careers. It's this frustration that you can't do anything to get rid of apart from get work. Easier said than done. I'm on my way back to Christchurch for my sisters birthday. Train journeys are the best to think and sort your life out a bit. Hopefully within the next week I will have my second short film to show you and by the end of July will have shot another I've written. I need to keep myself busy with my own projects even if it's just to get used to being in front of camera again.
2 weeks ago I had an audition for a TV commercial which I really wanted. Small money but the director had worked with amazing actors and the casting director was brilliant. We did the audition and I haven't been that disappointed in myself in a long time. Every now and then an audition will come along where they ask you to do something that you just can't seem to do naturally. The scene was me at the top of a zip wire with my daughter who was about to go down it and she was scared. My direction was to reassure her and occasionally make jokes about how high it was. I did that and was fairly happy then I was asked to do it without words then after that to do it in the space of about 5 seconds. With a bit of concentration I could have but I just couldn't get the hang of it. Sometimes that happens and it knocked me back a bit and I was really frustrated. You have to remind yourself that sometimes that just happens but I'll always need a bit of time to just be sad about it before I bounce back. I'm lacking confidence that I can regain with workshops which I've never considered before and think would really help.
This is a low point so I'm going to get my head down, work on my own projects, and do all I can to get more opportunities. Actings hard. It's getting harder. Right now is about keeping my head up whilst I'm down and having faith. I'll always have faith in what I'm doing. I enjoy it far too much. I said before its the highest highs and the lowest lows doing this. It'll all be worth it when I'm laughing on the Game of Thrones set sipping champagne talking about my latest role in Blackadder the remake playing Blackadder. Or something like that. Chin up.
