This blog may be more heartfelt than I'd like but I think its important to show it as it will probably give a good sense of the lows of being an actor. I recently auditioned for a big advert in which the audition and recall went brilliantly though due to various things I believe I have not got it. I feel I have never been so close to achieving something brilliant for it to not happen. This would have been the biggest moment of my acting career so far and the last few hours have been low ones. Its hard to take something when you feel not only you did the best you could but you would have given yourself a strong chance of getting the role. Hope is hard to handle. I feel like I need to juggle it with reality and scepticism and try and keep myself from getting carried away. I honestly thought this would be the moment of 2013 and I would get something I never would have dreamed of getting only 7 months in. I got a bit carried away. I hate that its out of my hands and that despite doing everything to the best of my ability it still wasn't enough.
I remember when I first moved here and there were a few auditions I had where I didn't get the part and I never let it bug me. I always picked myself up and looked for the next project. To stand up and get past what has happened this week does take strength but I need the time to move on. Sometimes I just need to be down for a while before I can pick myself up again. I need to ride through the blues to come out fighting again. It's tough. It was probably going to be tough from the start but I could have really done with a win. I am overdue one. I have a lot to be positive about and I'm not just thinking about the past 7 months but the various projects I'm working on at the moment as well. I will never take for granted the brilliant things I have been lucky enough to be involved in. 2013 is proving difficult on the paid front though and I am starting to feel the pressure. I need to get back on a lucky streak again. I just need a win.
